Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Biggest WINNERS Of 2011 Are . .

1. The HEAUX: From Basketball Wives to Hoopz to video models to Kim Kardashian to SNITCHIN GROUPIES. It seems like every other day in 2011 there were HEAUX and former HEAUX (Shouts to Adrienne Bosh) getting new and FRESH ways to WIN. 2011 is gonna be remembered as the year that HEAUX won!!
2. Shaunie O'Neil: After PILFERING Shaq for more than $20M. Shaunie flipped the money into the VERY PROFITABLE Basketball Wives franchise. And she doesn't even have to FIGHT on camera.
3. Rihanna: Rihanna's LOUD tour made $90M. That means this chick brought in MORE money than Beyonce, Jay Z and Kanye West COMBINED for the year 2011. That makes her the new QUEEN.
4. Beyonce And Jay Z: After YEARS of fertility issues, Jay Z and Beyonce FINALLY got pregnant. And depending on WHO you believe Bey will either give birth to or ACQUIRE her first child. That's a BIG deal for the First Couple . . .
5. Diggy Simmons: Diggy went from being ONE OF REV RUNS sons to one of the HOTTEST YOUNG ACTS in all of urban music. He's a BIG winner.
6. Kim Kardashian: Even though her FRAUDULENT marriage ended after just 72 days, Kim Kardashian is still going stronger than ever. Ratings to her new reality show Kim And Kourtney are though the roof and she's getting paid 600 RACKS to host a New Years Party. Oh, and that FRAUDULENT marriage - brought her in more than $15M.
7. Hoopz - She went from FLAV to Shaq . . . married no prenup. We prolly should have made her number ONE.
8. Jennifer Lopez. In 2010 J Lo was a WASHED UP singer in a bad marriage . . . now she's on the HIGHEST RATED show on TV and getting her back BLOWN OUT by a 25 year old dude. Pretty nice upgrade.
9. Wendy Williams. With OPRAH leaving the air and TYRA and Mo'Nique getting canceled, Wendy Williams became the undisputed QUEEN of talk shows. And her ratings are the HIGHEST they've been since launching two years ago.
10. Barack Obama. Dude killed Osama Bin Laden, ended the was in Iraq and is now has the economy in recovery. And DESPITE what the media says, the public recognizes it. He now has his HIGHEST RATINGS of the year.



And The Biggest LOSERS Of 2011 Are . . .

  Bishop Eddie Long - Everyone with two eyes knew he was GAY. But who knew that dude was into LITTLE BOYS. Anyways his wife left and his church is now in shambles . . . as it SHOULD be.

2. Conrad Murray - He really thought he wasn't gonna get LOCKED UP for killing Michael Jackson. He thought WRONG!!!
3.Steve Harvey's Ex-Wife Mary - Steve took her to court for BACK CHILD SUPPORT and for DEFAMATION. He won both cases and then had her THROWN IN JAIL for contempt. He's a f*cked up dude for doing it . . . but she LOST big time.
4. Juelz Santana - He had his babys mother, Kimbella, on national tv talking about SLEEPING with another rapper. There ain't no coming back from that.
5. Halle Berry - After talking ALL THAT MESS about how she never found a Black man who treated her properly, Halle found herself with a WHITE DUDE . . .. who routinely called her the 'N Word.' And she's gonna have to end up paying her RACIST babys father child support for the next 18 or so years. LOL
6. Deion Sanders - Not only is he losing his wife, one of the most BEAUTIFUL women on this planet . . . she's taking HALF HIS PAPER. Oh, and we hear that her phone is RINGING OFF THE HOOK with ballers looking to scoop her up.
7. Terrell Owens - Dude is so broke he can't even afford to pay his CHILD SUPPORT. And NO NFL team wants his raggedy behind. How long before dude starts STRIPPING!!
8. Hermin Cain - For a second people actually BELIEVED that those RACIST Republicans were gonna make this dude their nominee. Then they started the ever so famous TIGER WOODS PARADE OF WOMEN . . .
9. Kobe Bryant - Vanessa put up with all his BULLCRAP while he was the best BALLER in the world. But the second he LOST A STEP .. . she chucked DUECES and is now in the process of RELIEVING the Black Mamba of HALF his doe.
10. Chris Brown - It was hard to figure out WHERE to put dude. But we decided to put him on the LOSERS list . . .. WHY? Anyone who had as many HIT RECORDS as Chris did in one year would be an INTERNATIONAL SUPERSTAR. But despite having 5 TOP TEN songs this year - his career is still IN THE CRAPPER. Unless he plans on putting out 10 hits per year FOREVER . . . he's about to have some PROBLEMS.

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Look at the nation,

Look at the nation,
that's a crooked smile braces couldn't even straighten!