Emotional Blowout

The wicked witch a.k.a, (the 30 yr old Physco) keeps calling all night, early in the morning, she woke me up yesterday morning and for work this morning. Kudos for my knew alarm clock. I am not going to waste this post on her. I am confining in my blog about this "emotional blowout" that am going threw. I don't know how much more I can take, i'll tell you a little bit about it. At the end of 2007 I met this nice guy at my job. We started dating,and one thing lead to another now were living together. The stressful part of this relationship is that I was living by myself when I met my boyfriend. He was living with a women that hehas been going out with for TWENTY (20) years. He kept telling me that the relationship is no good, the relationship is dying, yadda yadda yay. It is now August 2009 all that has changed is that he lives here with me now. But there is a twist to that also.

Are you ready, Hold on here we go;

Scenario #1 My man is approximately 32 years older than me. The house that he and the women lives in is "HIS" house but he's not paying mortgage or any bills there (anymore). The women that lives there takes care of everything. He says the house is in forecloser and he's letting her stay there until she finds somewhere to go ~blank stare~ He has very few clothes here, all his mail still goes to the house he lives in with her. Scenario #2 On July 22 he said he was going to be late he had to go put in a ceiling fan for a co-worker. My insecurity came out and I asked him are you sure your not going to your womans house . He said Vanessa (that's me) you know I have no reason to lie to you. I took his word for it everything went all good he came home we made love that night . Cool. Scenario #3 The next morning he wakes up for work we speak, joke around, drank a cup of coofee together he leaves out at 6am. He usually calls me 4 times a day the least I didn't get one call from him. Around the time he would be on break I called him he didn't answer his phone. Fine, I called backed maybe twice between then and the time he gets off of work which is at 3:30pm, No answer. It's 5pm way after the time he should be home and he still haven't called 7pm I start to get worried am wondering the worst @ this point, what if he got into a car accident because it's not the norm for him to stay out without calling. I call a supervisor at the plant that he hangs out with and ask him if he seen him today, he says yes. Now my nerves has went back down because at least I know he's not hurt. So I wait, I wait, I wait, I keep calling, calling, calling no answer it's now 2am in the morning and am piss. This man did not call until 10am the next morning and he tells me that he's not ready talk but he needed a break and how he left Glenda (the 20 yr relationship), the house and me. He just needed to get away. Am like WTF. How easy was that, if I was to run away ever time that a problem aroused in my life, boy I would be one effed up individual. Here I am feeling dumb, stupid and lonely. The saga continues he doesn't call me for 3 days straight and does not answer any of my e-mails. One day I was calling him he tells me hes in N.C he's doing fine and it will be a while before he returns to me because he's going to Atlanta after he leaves there. I was boiling inside. I put in so much time and effort into this man. I have been in my apartment for only 5 months by myself, (just got out of an abusive relationship) before he stepped into my life he was all I knew. At least that's how I felt. As the days went by he started calling at least once a day and he was answering my calls again. He told me a week before he came back that he retired from his job at the Post Office I was in total shock. Well long story short he got back last night. But the twist is he is back to playing both sides of the field and am beginning to think I should have just dealt with the pain and let him GO. Last night he went to his house first, (that's where his women resides). He says there is no relationship there but he lets her live there. From my personal experience if a man don't want to be with you any more there's no way in hell he gonna let you live up in his house, mind you there not married and there are no kids involved. When he gets in my apartment last night, he is telling me that his brother is having a surprise retirement party and his sister niece and brother are coming from North Carolina, Virgina, and Upstate NY to stay at his house ~blank Stare~ Just a year ago he was telling me how much his sister and Glenda the women in the house don't like each other now all of a sudden they having a fucking family reunion. LOL life is grand isn't it. He says O don't worry I'll be here with you please don't stress me out just let me handle this I got this. I am so fucking hurt right now for multiple reasons. One is because we have been seeing each other for almost 2 years No one in his family knows about me his sister seen me once and I was introduced as "a friend", this time last year he had to go upstate by his sister house to fix his car insurance. He was telling his sister he may bring somebody, his sister jumps and say who Glenda. This is after she meet me apparently I am not seen as a women of his. I am so confused right now. I know how mad I am by my actions I had a bottle of sparkling wine in my fridge since New Years eve, I haven't drank it because I have stopped drinking for over 3 years now. I popped that shit open last night lol. Matter a fact am going to pour me a glass right now before I proof read and post this blog:) Have a great night everyone Know that someone loves you, and yes I am taking note! Somebody loves me I just haven't found out who lol. Night!